I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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