yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
