I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
