there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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