He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
one might say we're banned from that church
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
