they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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