i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His nipple licking is glorious
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