do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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