just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
