Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
