Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
