So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
