just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
