Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
