So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
