There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
