the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
