Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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