ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
not ubering you a puppy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
