everyone is single if you try hard enough
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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