Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
