I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
