Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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