Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
