I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Pants are for mortals
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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