I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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