I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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