Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
