u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
