there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
