It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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