either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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