dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
