I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
