Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
