We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
