And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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