it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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