I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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