I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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