Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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