I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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