she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
