My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
