Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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