So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
