Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
