If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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