Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
