Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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