put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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