doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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