Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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