____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
