on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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