I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
