So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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