Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
