Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
