Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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