To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
