Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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