Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
