Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
