The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
