He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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