And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize