I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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