Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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