I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
