ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
