Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
