I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
