you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
