thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
