I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
