so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
