well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Two words: nipple clamps
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