This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My vagina is very pro this idea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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