I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
