Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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