1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
