you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
