I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
