How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
