How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
