dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
