i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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