It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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