Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
