Im at strip club and am horny
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
