OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
