I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
