i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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