nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
