and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
