i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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