I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
