All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
